By Eddie Mayrose
Lock Family Continues Winning Ways Despite Gil’s Bungling
It was another 5-4 week for the Locks as they continue to produce winning Saturdays; albeit by the closest of margins. Once again, however, it was the vaunted Gil Lock of Ryno Rife Sports Handicappers who dragged down the rest of the team. But for his season long ineptitude, the Lock team would be clipping along at a success rate of sixty-seven percent.
“I just haven’t been a good judge of pace”, said Gil in a hapless attempt to exp[lain his miserable record. “I can’t put a finger on the hot team or player. It’s affecting my whole life. I can’t even shop anymore.” Asked to explain, Gil started to ramble. “The other day at the supermarket, I bought enough groceries for a month. At the checkout, I noticed an enormous bag with a big handle, put everything in it and left the store. Turns out it was the manager’s hat. He was so pissed, he banned me from the store; even after I tried to smooth him over with some cash I’d won in Atlantic City. It’s been an ugly year.”
Ugly, maybe. But at least his family has been there to prop him up. There’s still a few weeks left for Gil to straighten things out. Here’s how he plans to start.
Locks of the Week
Gil Locks (10-13-1)
Iowa -10 over Minnesota
– In just two short weeks, Iowa football fans have seen their boys blow a shot at the BCS title game as well as the Rose Bowl. They’ll take out their anger on a Minnesota football team that struggled last week with South Dakota State.
Notre Dame -6 over Connecticut
– Haven’t backed Notre Dame football all year but something’s got to give for poor Charlie Weis. The much maligned defense of the Irish actually looked a little better last week and UConn football isn’t exactly run and shoot.
Rutgers -8 over Syracuse
– Say this for Rutgers football: They may play a high school schedule to start the year but they always finish strong. Bad news for Syracuse, one of the worst teams in the nation.
Jill Locks (16-8)
LSU +3 over Mississippi
– LSU’s two losses came in close games against the nation’s #1 and #3 teams. Ole Miss, on the other hand, has failed to deliver on its pre-season promise. LSU big.
Nevada – 31 1/2 over New Mexico
– Here’s some “Arifemetic” for you. Became a believer in Nevada after they cruched Fresno, a very good team. They’re playing great right now; averaging 50 PG over their seven game winning streak while New Mex has scored just 16 TOTAL over their last four.
TCU – 31 1/2 over Wyoming
– Every week I look at the TCU line and think it’s too big. Last week I even went against them as they destroyed a good Utah team. I won’t be fooled again.
South Florida – 11 1/2 over Louisville
– Ever heard of “The Ville”? Neither had I until I saw the ridiculous moniker across the chests of the Louisville players last week. The only thing more ridiculous is the notion of Louisville as a Division I football team. South Florida has had a tough season but has managed to work its way through injuries to post a very good record.
Pad Locks (6-3)
UTEP – 6 1/2 over Rice
– While UTEP has lost three straight, they’ve scored more than 30 points in each game; led by the nation’s second leading rusher, Donald Buckram. Rice comes in at 1-9 averaging just 17 PPG while allowing 41. “Arifemetic” strikes again.
Ohio – Northern Illinois over 43.5
– Uncle Gil has always been a MAC football fan and it’s rubbed off on me. Both teams come into the game with 7-3 records averaging better than 24 PPG. Simple “Arifemetic” says this one’s going over.
Oregon -5 over Arizona
– Can’t believe that Oregon will let this one slip away. Arizona spit the bit last week as far as a Pac Ten title is concerned and will have to rally to get ready for a Ducks’ team that should be welcoming back LeGarrette Blount.