Gil Stays Red Hot But Jill’s Not Happy
Last week, we reported in this space that, after two winless weeks, Gil Lock of Ryno Rife Sports Handicappers removed his wife, Jill, from the regular rotation of experts and replaced her with a New Jersey torpedo, Johnny Dudaguanda. “I knew she was going to be ticked but, hey, I have a comfortable couch. Turns out that things got a little icier in the Lock boudoir as Jill failed to fire on her picks last week, falling short of the 2-1 mark Gil has mandated for her reinstatement. To make matters worse, our hero turned in his second, consecutive, perfect week while Jill’s replacement, pork store denizen Dudaguanda, went 2-1 to hold his spot in the lineup. Pad Lock went 3-1 as well, as the Lock contingent recovered from two mediocre weeks and registered an 8-2 record. “I hope my fans appreciate the sacrifice I’m making. Jill was a dancer in Las Vegas when I met her while this Dudaguanda guy shaves his back.” Yes we do, Gil. Just keep the picks coming. Click here to read more.. »
“It Just Doesn’t Matter”
Had a riotous conversation the other day with our good friend, Gil Lock, of Ryno Rife Sports Handicappers. Turns out that, not only did Gil turn in a perfect 3-0 for CollegeSportsview.com last weekend, but he liked five other games, as well, each of which was also a winner. However, Gil’s perfect Saturday wasn’t enough to help a hapless old friend who just won’t listen. I’ll let Gil take it from here.
“I have a good friend; much older than I am, who I met way back when I was a teenager. I was a counselor in training (CIT) at North Star summer camp somewhere in northern New England. Tripper was one of the counselors there; the kind of guy all the kids liked. I can’t remember what he did in the winter; I think he drove a beer truck.” Click here to read more.. »
Locks Break Ranks and Anger Sports Gods
It could have been worse. While a 4-4-1 week doesn’t exactly qualify as a loser, it was how the record came about that has Gil Lock busting his bolts with anger. “I’ve tried to explain to Jill that there are higher powers at work here and they must be respected. At Ryno Rife Sports Handicappers, we’ve never gotten behind any of our picks financially because, as soon as we do, we know that the sports gods will get pissed and blow up every selection.” “That was lost on Jill last Friday, as she decided to share some of our expertise with her little friend, Stephanie; one of her pole-dancing colleagues from her days in Vegas. Worse, she gave out my picks! So, while she was 2-1, I got smacked.”
Tough luck, Gil. But if a split week is the price to pay for Jill’s education into the world of handicapping, it’s not so bad. Let’s just hope she keeps her picks to herself this week. Click here to read more.. »
Locks Stretch Weekly Winning Streak To Three
Don’t know that anything beside the Buffalo Wings at Pipin’s Pub are hotter than our favorite College Football handicappers, the Lock family. Patriarch Gil Lock, his wife, Jill and nephew Pad, continued their winning ways last week with a 5-3-1 week that raised the season record to 20-5-2 against the spread. That tie was on Pad’s ledger, as USC coach Lane Kiffin inexplicably attempted a two point conversion that would have put the Trojans up 34-14 with 6:00 left vs. Minnesota. “I couldn’t believe it”, wailed Pad. “As soon as it happened, I knew Minnesota would score a garbage TD and cost me the win. Now I’m behind Uncle Gil, something he’s not going to let me forget.”
Tough luck for Pad but, if a little family competition keeps the Locks on their game, so much the better for the rest of us. Here’s how they see Week 4. Click here to read more.. »
Locks Stay Hot Through Second Week
Last year, Gil Lock would’ve done anything to post a 7-2 record over the course of a College Football weekend. Not so in 2010, however, as last week’s stellar mark was actually a step down from an undefeated Week One.
“Actually”, said the native Hawaiian, “last season was the anomaly.” “Maybe it’s the competition with my wife and nephew bringing out the best in me, but I really feel like I’m back on my game.”
Apparently so, even though the good Mr. Lock failed to mention that his wife is currently undefeated and leading him by a game. Let’s see how they fare this week. Click here to read more.. »