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Ahead of the Point Spread: Rife With Opinions- Bowl Edition

December 15, 2009 under College Football

Welcome Back, Gil Lock

There’s something to be said for karma.  Just days after banishing husband and uncle, Gil Lock, from the ryno rifevery handicapping column founded to feature his expertise, Jill and Pad Lock suffered through their worst weekend of the season.  Jill, who had been rolling along at a two to one clip, turned in an oh for three stinker; her first of the year.  Nephew Pad didn’t fare much better; registering just a single win. Realizing they had ticked off the football gods by mistreating Gil just before the start of the all important Bowl Season, they decided to correct the situation and invite Gil back to the team.

“We never felt right about firing Gil”, said his wife, Jill.  “I mean, he’s a sports handicapper.  It’s what he does. What else is he going to do, work in a supermarket? He had a bad stretch and we overreacted.”  Pad echoed the sentiment, saying, “Uncle Gil has always been good to me. I hated to let him go but Aunt Jill wanted to protect her record.  Not much to protect now, I guess.”

Gil, while overjoyed at the news, was still feeling a little low after some personal misadventures took their toll.  “I’ve been pulled over a number of times by Jersey State Troopers because I look like the guy who brad ferro 2punched Snookie on Jersey Shore.  They usually notice I’m not the guy after I form a few complete sentences but, the last time, I got in over my head.”  “I have a buddy who’s a guido”, said Gil, “and this cop pulls me over with him in the car.”  “He takes one look at Phil’s hair gel and general, torpedo demeanor and assumes he’s ‘The Situation'”, Gil continued.  “I tried to explain that Phil’s nickname is, actually, ‘The Altercation’ and that the officer  was mistaken; but he wasn’t buying.”  “Finally, the cop, knowing that the real ‘Situation’ has six-pack abs, asked Phil to roll up his sleeveless tee.”  “As soon as he saw that Phil’s six-pack was actually a half keg, he let us go.”  Asked if he harbored any ill will toward his wife and nephew, Gil was gracious.  “Nah.  I’m just happy to be back.”   And, with that,  here’s how the Locks see the Bowl Season:

Locks of the Week(s)

Before we get to their individual selections, we present the Locks’ consensus picks along with this insight from Gil:  “The Big Ten is as overrated a conference as I’ve ever seen, yet, they get two BCS bids and two New Year’s games.  Now try and tell me the system doesn’t need to be changed.”  “We at Ryno Rife Sports Handicappers  have no confidence in any Big Ten teams or coaches, especially Penn State and Paterno, and have decided to pick against every one of them.”

Champs Sports Bowl

(12/29-8PM-ESPN) Miami – 2 1/2 over Wisconsin

Insight Bowl

(12/31-6PM-NFL Network) Iowa State +3 over Minnesota

Outback Bowl

(1/1-11AM-ESPN) Auburn -8 over Northwestern

Capital One Bowl

(1/1-1PM-ABC) LSU +2 1/2 over Penn State

Rose Bowl

(1/1-4:30PM-ABC) Oregon – 3 1/2 over Ohio State

Alamo Bowl

(1/2-9PM-ESPN) Texas Tech – 6 1/2 over Michigan State

Orange Bowl

(1/5-8PM-FOX) Georgia Tech – 3 1/2 over Iowa
 

Jill Locks (22-12)

Poinsettia Bowl

(12/23-8PM-ESPN) California -3 over Utah

Little Caesar’s Pizza Bowl

(12/26-1PM-ESPN) Ohio-Marshall UNDER 50

Eagle Bank Bowl

(12/29-4:30PM-ESPN)  UCLA -4 over Temple

Humanitarian Bowl

(12/30-4:30PM-ESPN) Bowling Green-Idaho OVER 68 1/2

Sun Bowl

(12/31-2PM-CBS) Stanford +10 over Oklahoma

 

Pad Locks (10-6)

Meineke Bowl

-(12/26-4:30PM-ESPN) Pittsburgh -3 over North Carolina

Emerald Bowl

(12/26-8PM-ESPN) Boston College-USC OVER 45 1/2

Texas Bowl

(12/31-1PM-ESPN) Navy +9 over Missouri

Sugar Bowl

(1/1-8:30PM-FOX)  Cincinnati +10 1/2 over Florida

Alamo Bowl

(1/2-9PM-ESPN) Texas Tech-Michigan State OVER 60 1/2

 

Gil Locks (11-16-1)

New Mexico Bowl

(12/19-4:30PM-ESPN)  Wyoming +10 1/2 over Fresno State

Las Vegas Bowl

(12/22-8PM-ESPN) Oregon State – 1 1/2 over BYU

Armed Forces Bowl

(12/31-12PM-ESPN)  Air Force + 4 1/2 over Houston

Cotton Bowl

(1/2-2PM-FOX) Mississippi -3 over Oklahoma State

Fiesta Bowl

(1/4-8PM-FOX) TCU -8 over Boise State

Citi BCS National Championship Game

Thursday, January 7 – 8PM – ABC  bcs trophy 
Alabama 3 1/2 Texas

Jill: Alabama: Can’t see Nick Saban losing after a month of preparation.
Pad: Texas: Big 12 Football is underrated. The Horns will catch Bama sleeping.
Gil: Texas: Nobody giving Texas a chance; which is my favorite scenario.

Season Record

43-34-1

Ahead of the Point Spread: Rife With Opinions Week 12

November 20, 2009 under College Football


By Eddie Mayrose

Lock Family Continues Winning Ways Despite Gil’s Bungling

It was another 5-4 week for the Locks as they continue to produce winning Saturdays; albeit by the closest of margins.  Once again, ryno-rife5however, it was the vaunted Gil Lock of Ryno Rife Sports Handicappers who dragged down the rest of the team.  But for his season long ineptitude, the Lock team would be clipping along at a success rate of sixty-seven percent.

“I just haven’t been a good judge of pace”, said Gil in a hapless attempt to exp[lain his miserable record.  “I can’t put a finger on the hot team or player.  It’s affecting my whole life. I can’t even shop anymore.”  Asked to explain, Gil started to ramble.  “The other day at the supermarket, I bought enough groceries for a month.  At the checkout, I noticed an enormous bag with a big handle, put everything in it and left the store. Turns out it was the manager’s hat.  He was so pissed, he banned me from the store; even after I tried to smooth him over with some cash I’d won in Atlantic City.  It’s been an ugly year.”

Ugly, maybe.  But at least his family has been there to prop him up.  There’s still a few weeks left for Gil to straighten things out.  Here’s how he plans to start.

Locks of the Week

Gil Locks (10-13-1)

Iowa -10 over Minnesota

– In just two short weeks, Iowa football fans have seen their boys blow a shot at the BCS title game as well as the Rose Bowl.  They’ll take out their anger on a Minnesota football team that struggled last week with South Dakota State.

Notre Dame -6 over Connecticut

–  Haven’t backed Notre Dame football all year but something’s got to give for poor Charlie Weis. The much maligned defense of the Irish actually looked a little better last week and UConn football isn’t exactly run and shoot.

Rutgers -8 over Syracuse

– Say this for Rutgers football: They may play a high school schedule to start the year but they always finish strong.  Bad news for Syracuse, one of the worst teams in the nation.

Jill Locks (16-8)
LSU +3 over Mississippi

LSU’s two losses came in close games against the nation’s #1 and #3 teams.  Ole Miss, on the other hand, has failed to deliver on its pre-season promise.  LSU big.

Nevada – 31 1/2 over New Mexico

–  Here’s some “Arifemetic” for you. Became a believer in Nevada after they cruched Fresno, a very good team.  They’re playing great right now; averaging 50 PG over their seven game winning streak while New Mex  has scored just 16 TOTAL over their last four.

TCU – 31 1/2 over Wyoming

– Every week I look at the TCU line and think it’s too big.  Last week I even went against them as they destroyed a good Utah team.  I won’t be fooled again.

South Florida – 11 1/2 over Louisville

– Ever heard of “The Ville”?  Neither had I until I saw the ridiculous moniker across the chests of the Louisville players last week.  The only thing more ridiculous is the notion of Louisville as a Division I football team.  South Florida has had a tough season but has managed to work its way through injuries to post a very good record.

Pad Locks (6-3)

UTEP – 6 1/2 over Rice

– While UTEP has lost three straight, they’ve scored more than 30 points in each game; led by the nation’s second leading rusher, Donald Buckram. Rice comes in at 1-9 averaging just 17 PPG while allowing 41. “Arifemetic” strikes again.

Ohio – Northern Illinois over 43.5

– Uncle Gil has always been a MAC football fan and it’s rubbed off on me.  Both teams come into the game with 7-3 records averaging better than 24 PPG.  Simple “Arifemetic”  says this one’s going over.

Oregon -5 over Arizona

–  Can’t believe that Oregon will let this one slip away.  Arizona spit the bit last week as far as a Pac Ten title is concerned and will have to rally to get ready for a Ducks’ team that should be welcoming back LeGarrette Blount.

Season Record (31-24-1)


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