Welcome Back, Gil Lock
There’s something to be said for karma. Just days after banishing husband and uncle, Gil Lock, from the
very handicapping column founded to feature his expertise, Jill and Pad Lock suffered through their worst weekend of the season. Jill, who had been rolling along at a two to one clip, turned in an oh for three stinker; her first of the year. Nephew Pad didn’t fare much better; registering just a single win. Realizing they had ticked off the football gods by mistreating Gil just before the start of the all important Bowl Season, they decided to correct the situation and invite Gil back to the team.
“We never felt right about firing Gil”, said his wife, Jill. “I mean, he’s a sports handicapper. It’s what he does. What else is he going to do, work in a supermarket? He had a bad stretch and we overreacted.” Pad echoed the sentiment, saying, “Uncle Gil has always been good to me. I hated to let him go but Aunt Jill wanted to protect her record. Not much to protect now, I guess.”
Gil, while overjoyed at the news, was still feeling a little low after some personal misadventures took their toll. “I’ve been pulled over a number of times by Jersey State Troopers because I look like the guy who
punched Snookie on Jersey Shore. They usually notice I’m not the guy after I form a few complete sentences but, the last time, I got in over my head.” “I have a buddy who’s a guido”, said Gil, “and this cop pulls me over with him in the car.” “He takes one look at Phil’s hair gel and general, torpedo demeanor and assumes he’s ‘The Situation’”, Gil continued. “I tried to explain that Phil’s nickname is, actually, ‘The Altercation’ and that the officer was mistaken; but he wasn’t buying.” “Finally, the cop, knowing that the real ‘Situation’ has six-pack abs, asked Phil to roll up his sleeveless tee.” “As soon as he saw that Phil’s six-pack was actually a half keg, he let us go.” Asked if he harbored any ill will toward his wife and nephew, Gil was gracious. “Nah. I’m just happy to be back.” And, with that, here’s how the Locks see the Bowl Season:
Locks of the Week(s)
Before we get to their individual selections, we present the Locks’ consensus picks along with this insight from Gil: “The Big Ten is as overrated a conference as I’ve ever seen, yet, they get two BCS bids and two New Year’s games. Now try and tell me the system doesn’t need to be changed.” “We at Ryno Rife Sports Handicappers have no confidence in any Big Ten teams or coaches, especially Penn State and Paterno, and have decided to pick against every one of them.”
Champs Sports Bowl
(12/29-8PM-ESPN) Miami - 2 1/2 over Wisconsin
Insight Bowl
(12/31-6PM-NFL Network) Iowa State +3 over Minnesota
Outback Bowl
(1/1-11AM-ESPN) Auburn -8 over Northwestern
Capital One Bowl
(1/1-1PM-ABC) LSU +2 1/2 over Penn State
Rose Bowl
(1/1-4:30PM-ABC) Oregon – 3 1/2 over Ohio State
Alamo Bowl
(1/2-9PM-ESPN) Texas Tech - 6 1/2 over Michigan State
Orange Bowl
(1/5-8PM-FOX) Georgia Tech – 3 1/2 over Iowa
Jill Locks (22-12)
Poinsettia Bowl
(12/23-8PM-ESPN) California -3 over Utah
Little Caesar’s Pizza Bowl
(12/26-1PM-ESPN) Ohio-Marshall UNDER 50
Eagle Bank Bowl
(12/29-4:30PM-ESPN) UCLA -4 over Temple
Humanitarian Bowl
(12/30-4:30PM-ESPN) Bowling Green-Idaho OVER 68 1/2
Sun Bowl
(12/31-2PM-CBS) Stanford +10 over Oklahoma
Pad Locks (10-6)
Meineke Bowl
-(12/26-4:30PM-ESPN) Pittsburgh -3 over North Carolina
Emerald Bowl
(12/26-8PM-ESPN) Boston College-USC OVER 45 1/2
Texas Bowl
(12/31-1PM-ESPN) Navy +9 over Missouri
Sugar Bowl
(1/1-8:30PM-FOX) Cincinnati +10 1/2 over Florida
Alamo Bowl
(1/2-9PM-ESPN) Texas Tech-Michigan State OVER 60 1/2
Gil Locks (11-16-1)
New Mexico Bowl
(12/19-4:30PM-ESPN) Wyoming +10 1/2 over Fresno State
Las Vegas Bowl
(12/22-8PM-ESPN) Oregon State – 1 1/2 over BYU
Armed Forces Bowl
(12/31-12PM-ESPN) Air Force + 4 1/2 over Houston
Cotton Bowl
(1/2-2PM-FOX) Mississippi -3 over Oklahoma State
Fiesta Bowl
(1/4-8PM-FOX) TCU -8 over Boise State
Citi BCS National Championship Game
Thursday, January 7 – 8PM – ABC
Alabama 3 1/2 Texas
Jill: Alabama: Can’t see Nick Saban losing after a month of preparation.
Pad: Texas: Big 12 Football is underrated. The Horns will catch Bama sleeping.
Gil: Texas: Nobody giving Texas a chance; which is my favorite scenario.
Season Record
43-34-1
meal. Jill and Pad decided that it was finally time to show the door to their beloved husband and uncle, Gil. Apparently taking their cue from the administration at
however, it was the vaunted Gil Lock of
game, Buckeye fullback Jim Otis blasts over the goal line to put the home team up 48-14. Yet, instead of opting to kick the extra point, Ohio State head coach Woody Hayes decides instead to attempt a two point conversion in order to hang the half century mark on his bitter enemy. Asked after the game why he went for two, Hayes famously responded, “Because they wouldn’t let us go for three.”
incredible offensive output that produced a thrilling, last-minute, 15-13 victory over the super charged, 4-4 Michigan State Spartans, leap frogs Boise State in this week’s poll and lands in the Number Four spot, ahead of
from 7-0 solely on the strength of his right arm. With Notre Dame’s defense employing a “bend and almost break” scheme every week, Clausen’s Montana-like, last minute heroics are the biggest reason the Irish are still in contention for a BCS bowl bid. If the award was given out today, it’d go to Clausen.
another mediocre performance at Mississippi State. Have to really start wondering if he’s all the way back from that concussion. He’ll have the advantage of an almost weekly national stage but needs to pick up his game if he wants bookends.
Tennessee’s upset bid last week in Tuscaloosa. Ingram committed the deadliest sin of Heisman hopefuls in failing to take advantage of a national television audience.
establishing the Nichols’ record for receptions in a game (13), he needs just three catches this week to set a new Bison mark for receptions in a career(125). Should he grab seven, he’ll also own the school’s single season record (49) . As a Div. III player, the New Jersey native knows he’s a longshot for the Heisman but figures he’ll go out and have a great season, nonetheless. “This team graduated some legendary seniors last year”, said Pillari, “and I’m just trying to live up to the things I learned in their house; do your best and don’t be a shem.”